Charlotte's story

Homeschooling my son during lockdown and becoming a carer overnight

When Charlotte’s husband James suffered a devastating accident in 2007, their lives changed forever. Overnight, a severe spinal injury caused James to lose all sensation from his belly button down, taking away his ability to walk.

When we speak, Charlotte is gently encouraging her son Jack, to have another go practicing his times tables. It looks like things have changed a lot in maths education. Instead of staring at a wallchart, Jack is busy trying to progress up the ranks of an online tool called ‘maths rockstar’. He is doing a great job, as is Charlotte who is taking care of both James and Jack, on top of juggling her busy job as a fundraiser, cooking, cleaning, all the other endless jobs that come with running a house and now her new role as a teacher. The Coronavirus lockdown has certainly increased an already full-on workload.

Today for example, the doctor has advised them that James needs to go to hospital to have an abscess checked. Going to hospital is never pleasant but under lockdown it is also complicated. No one else can help take James, or look after Jack whilst they are there, which means Charlotte has to take them both. With no idea of how long James will need to be in for, a few hours or maybe overnight, it is not an ideal start to the weekend.

It has been a difficult few years for the family. James spent 5 months in hospital after his accident, at a specialised spinal injury unit in Sheffield. “I visited every day and slept overnight in the hospital as much as possible.” Charlotte’s and James’s family and friends were very supportive. “People would bring cakes and meals for us and the nurses caring for James. Everyone was so kind. Our families especially have been phenomenal.”

James, is now a permanent wheelchair user, and still suffers with complications and significant pain as a result from the damage to his spine. The couple had to sell their home following the accident and move to a new property that could be more easily adapted for James’s new needs. A stressful process at the best of times.

“Our current house is a lot more accessible, we made changes to the layout, knocking down walls etc. to provide more space for James to get around in his chair and keep as much independence as possible. But making everything accessible has been financially challenging. We have had to self-fund a lot of things. It cost £7,000 to install a lift at home so that James could get upstairs. There are additional physio sessions to pay for, on top of the monthly session the NHS provides and we bought a wheelchair adaptor which enables him to move over gravel and uneven surfaces allowing us to go to places without smooth paths. The costs all mount up. Especially on just one income.”

There has been a lot to adjust to, and no two days for Charlotte, are ever the same, some days are good and others present new challenges. “One of the things that I do find difficult is sleeping. James has a special mattress to help stop pressure sores developing, and it squeaks! So even though I am exhausted, it can be tough to get a good night's sleep.

I am a bit of a worrier generally and since James’s accident I have a lot more to think about and remember. There’s a lot of mental burden on top of the emotional side of everything. No one prepares you for being a carer. There is no manual. It’s really difficult. Wherever you go and whatever you do it is always there in the back of your mind. It’s hard to fully relax.

James has an amazing attitude to everything most of the time, but there are times he feels depressed, like during winter when it’s harder to get out as much. These times are very difficult for me, because the mood in the house changes and it is up to me to lift everyone's spirits, it’s draining.”

Despite how hard things might be at times Charlotte tries to keep positive, “the motto in our household is to always focus on the ability not the disability. James still does as much as he can around the house. We have a specially adapted car which means that James is able to drive and do some shopping, with some help from our local supermarkets. Things like this make a big difference, although of course the majority of work still falls to me.”

 *Name has been changed for the purpose of this article.